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For the 3rd time in my life, I have been a witness to a family having to make difficult decisions about someone else’s life. Three different families, three different reactions, however, it seems that it boils down to the same thing; making a hard decision that can taint our mental health in the long run for the worse. I never thought about it that way. Today I did. It is not easy to make a “right” decision when it comes to someone else’s life besides your own. I mean, what is right or wrong? If you do not make a decison with a malicious intent, I believe, it can be hard to accept what is wrong or right.

It got me thinking about my mother and father. Would I be able to make a life and death decision when the time comes?
Would it be a rational one or an emotionally driven one?
Would my siblings feel the same way I do?

Life doesn’t come with these sort of answers. No one else can give you these answers either. Their situation is not the one you are going through. Your parents are not their parents. Their connection with their parents is not the same connection you have with your parents.

I feel alone in this process. Does everyone feel this way? I feel like I would come up with a rational decision, one that involves little emotional attachment towards my parents but only because I am wired to think rational and not because I do not love my parents.
I am not an emotional person. This scares me because it may come off to others that I don’t care or love enough or the right way people believe love and care goes.
But I am not like everyone else. I put myself in people’s postion and think, “I am going through this, what would help solve this?” I don’t think with my heart, I think with my brain. I have been told this is “cold” thinking but I see it as rational thinking. People often times can make the biggest mistake of their lives due to the fact that they acted on emotion. I don’t like making those mistakes. I dread it when I do.

Bottom line, I just want to feel comforted with the thought that whatever decision I make when the time comes that it would be one without bias.

Hard to think about all this but it must be thought about. Most of us will eventually make this decision, but how many of us is going to make the proper one?

I am also thinking about my mental state after I would make this decison. Would I live with a guilty conscious? Would I feel depress because of it? Would I act tough to others and depress at home when no one is looking? Woukd I eventually get over any harsh feeling I put myself through? Or, would I come to terms that ehatever decision I made was the correct one for my parents?

I don’t know how I eould feel but it worries me. I don’t want that pressure, hopefully I don’t ever have to feel that pressure, but if I do, I am really scared for my mental health after the fact.

Eventually I want to just come to terms that if I do have to make this decision, that it would be the best decision for my father or mother or both.